Lyrics

“Psst. Hey Santa, Hey Santa Claus. Santa? It’s me Martin…Earth to Santa. Come in Santa?”
Hey Santa Claus. If I could bend your ear. (This might sound kinda strange)
I know your job is done (but not really) until much later in the year. (Cause you really gotta lot to do)
You see I’m plagued by a vision (wait for it) Of an amazing feat (A stunt spectacular)
I see trees in my future (the ones up really high) I see Greg with a camera, and a great big leap
And every time I’m ready and I work up the nerve (Cause it’s really high)
Either snow starts falling or I’ve gotta catch the bus for work. (Dad started charging me rent)
You see I’ve prepped, and I’ve planned it. Even bought a brand-new tape (VHS)
All I need is a clear day where nothing gets in the way. (Santa that’s where you come in)
It’s either wet or it’s snowing or it’s just too damn cold. (Don’t wanna freeze my cheese)
But I’m bound and determined (Demented fits here too) And I’m not the kind of guy to fold (Dumb ideas die hard).
It’s been 3 months since Christmas, but Santa hear my plea (or talk me out of it).
If you could pull some strings (or talk me out of it), I really want to do this thing. (My future’s on the line)
I’ve got my thick jeans on. A pair of sweatpants too. (Blue light special)
I’ve got my neck wrapped up (Lord knows why), Many shirts and a hoody and a one-man crew. (Only Greg will do)
Call it a Christmas wish. Santa, can you feel my pain? (Cause I’ll feel it later)
Have you ever had a calling, and dumb shit keeps getting in the god-damn way! (Yeah, it’s called Christmas Eve)
Please Santa make it today. Cause I was born to fly (like a flying squirrel),
At least a second or two (One, two, boom) I can’t think about the distance or stop and ask why (Why oh, why?)
I can feel it now the weather’s clear today (It’s a good day to die)
Santa came through and now I just might make the 5 o’clock news.
Now I’m all geared up (He called it gear), I’m making history. (If it bleeds it leads)
Greg’s fingers on the button (He called it gear) And it’s time to show the world who I can be.
(Or hang ‘em up for good) It’s all system’s go, time to climb to my perch. (Man, this is way too high)
But wait a minute, what the? There’s a police car in the parking lot of the church.
What the fuck, Santa? (What the bleep?) How am I ever gonna be a pro? (Maybe you shouldn’t go pro)
With a police car in the parking lot of the church
Man, I was ready to go (I’m ready to go) and now I’m staring down doughnut Joe.
In a police car in the parking lot of the church
Santa, I believed in you. You know what? Somebody get me a jew. (Religion’s not the issue here)
Cause there’s a police car in the parking lot of the church.
Police Car: A Christmas Wish
“Psst. Hey Santa, Hey Santa Claus. Santa? It’s me Martin…Earth to Santa. Come in Santa?”
Hey Santa Claus. If I could bend your ear. (This might sound kinda strange)
I know your job is done (but not really) until much later in the year. (Cause you really gotta lot to do)
You see I’m plagued by a vision (wait for it) Of an amazing feat (A stunt spectacular)
I see trees in my future (the ones up really high) I see Greg with a camera, and a great big leap
And every time I’m ready and I work up the nerve (Cause it’s really high)
Either snow starts falling or I’ve gotta catch the bus for work. (Dad started charging me rent)
You see I’ve prepped, and I’ve planned it. Even bought a brand-new tape (VHS)
All I need is a clear day where nothing gets in the way. (Santa that’s where you come in)
It’s either wet or it’s snowing or it’s just too damn cold. (Don’t wanna freeze my cheese)
But I’m bound and determined (Demented fits here too) And I’m not the kind of guy to fold (Dumb ideas die hard).
It’s been 3 months since Christmas, but Santa hear my plea (or talk me out of it).
If you could pull some strings (or talk me out of it), I really want to do this thing. (My future’s on the line)
I’ve got my thick jeans on. A pair of sweatpants too. (Blue light special)
I’ve got my neck wrapped up (Lord knows why), Many shirts and a hoody and a one-man crew. (Only Greg will do)
Call it a Christmas wish. Santa, can you feel my pain? (Cause I’ll feel it later)
Have you ever had a calling, and dumb shit keeps getting in the god-damn way! (Yeah, it’s called Christmas Eve)
Please Santa make it today. Cause I was born to fly (like a flying squirrel),
At least a second or two (One, two, boom) I can’t think about the distance or stop and ask why (Why oh, why?)
I can feel it now the weather’s clear today (It’s a good day to die)
Santa came through and now I just might make the 5 o’clock news.
Now I’m all geared up (He called it gear), I’m making history. (If it bleeds it leads)
Greg’s fingers on the button (He called it gear) And it’s time to show the world who I can be.
(Or hang ‘em up for good) It’s all system’s go, time to climb to my perch. (Man, this is way too high)
But wait a minute, what the? There’s a police car in the parking lot of the church.
What the fuck, Santa? (What the bleep?) How am I ever gonna be a pro? (Maybe you shouldn’t go pro)
With a police car in the parking lot of the church
Man, I was ready to go (I’m ready to go) and now I’m staring down doughnut Joe.
In a police car in the parking lot of the church
Santa, I believed in you. You know what? Somebody get me a jew. (Religion’s not the issue here)
Cause there’s a police car in the parking lot of the church.